Only good things here.

Many things happened this year that I wish I could’ve just known in advance. I wish I could’ve written myself just a little encouraging note, dropping hints to myself to prepare for the beautiful, messy things that would soon transpire. It would’ve said something like,

Hey Jess,

This is going to be the best and worst year of your life. You’re going to experience something far more beautiful than you ever dreamed. Yes, it’ll surpass that feeling you had when you were a sophomore in high school, and you felt like you were on cloud nine. That pain you endured in high school was worth it, Jess. Because it brought you here. And you grew, and your heart blossomed in a way that prepared you to love so much more than you ever thought possible. Hold tight to those moments, Jess. Hold tight to that person. Take a moment to close your eyes and breathe it all in. Remember it. Remember that feeling. It’s beautiful. It’s yours. You contributed to this; this moment is happening because you were here, and you gave your heart to love so deeply and purely. And Jess, I’m sorry, but it will not last. You will have to let go of it. The memories will probably never leave, but you must keep moving forward. I know it hurts, and it sucks. Things are about to become really, really messy in your heart. You won’t understand or see it coming. All those dreams will no longer be anything more than just dreams. You will have to pick yourself up every single day for a while. You will cry a lot. You will go into that prayer tower and be angry with God. You will beg Him to show you what good will come from this. What beauty can come from these ashes? Maybe someday this will be just a little moment in your life that you’ll look back on and remember, but right now, it’s a big moment. There’s nothing wrong with admitting it hurts you. That it breaks you inside. But in the wake of this, you will see so much joy. It will come from people who you surround yourself with. These people you will want to carry them in your heart for life. They will help you, they will love you. You will laugh like you used to, and you will laugh a lot. You will find yourself blushing when you make eye contact with a handsome stranger, and it will scare you. The unknown will scare you. And that’s okay. Because you’re gonna survive this year. There’s so much more coming for you. Your purpose is to call you. You’ve been chasing it all year long. It starts in school. You’re attending the greatest university in the world literally. You will have learned it’s a beautiful place with beautiful people. It will be another home for you, it will be your safe place. You will be stretched and challenged while being there, not just mentally and emotionally, but spiritually. And it’s only just the beginning. Hang on.

~

My entire life, I always knew 2017 was going to be a big year in my life. In school, our usernames to access the Internet began with “17” because it was the year we graduated high school. I remember being so excited for it to come, I would wish that it would come sooner. When it finally came, it felt like it went by so fast, and now it’s almost over. Honestly, when I was younger, I never really thought about what came after 2017. I guess maybe I felt after 2017 my life was over or something. I did think about college, getting married, and having a family someday. But throughout my entire life, 2017 was what I considered the biggest year of my life. 

But maybe, just maybe, 2018 is the most significant year. Perhaps it’s the year I never saw coming. Possibly every disappointment or crummy ending to something good will be restored this year. Maybe beautiful things I never thought could happen will happen. I tend to always look at myself and my life in a somewhat negative way. I think, “You don’t deserve that. It won’t happen to you. Good things don’t just come and stay with you.” 

I read Hannah Brencher’s Monday email one Monday afternoon, and something she said stuck with me. She said, “You have to be on your own team if you ever want to see victory. You have to believe in it. You have to believe you deserve good things.”

I’ve let those words sink deep into my heart. I’ll carry them with me in 2018. I never want to be my own worst enemy. It’s always been that way, but I don’t want it to stay that way. This will be the year that I receive good things. I’m confessing it now, I’m writing it now so that it’s there for the world to see. I can’t take it back now. Only good things in 2018. 

Of course, the hardships and struggles will come. I can’t help but wonder what messy things will come into my life next. I also wonder how they will affect me and for how long will I allow them to do so (hopefully not too long). I can’t wait for the growth that will come from it all, though, and I can’t wait to see God’s hand moving on my behalf. God has always shown up in the moments where I needed Him to. I’m not going to lie, we had some tough moments, some tough conversations. He has shown me that He really does leave the 99 to find the one every time. He’s taught me that I can trust Him with my heart and all that comes with it.

Maybe this will be your year too. Perhaps 2018 is a year that you thought was just gonna be another year, but you’ll quickly realize it’s actually a year full of favor over your life. Maybe it’ll be a year where your calling is revealed, and your dreams and passions will ignite inside of you. Perhaps you’ll see breakthroughs in what used to be hopeless situations. Maybe you’ll begin to believe that you deserve good things too. I can assure you it’s the truth. 

Come into this year with eager eyes. Forget the “new year, new me” sayings. Just come ready to love like never before. Believe like never before. Expect like never before. The unknown is terrifying, yes, but it’s yours. Make it beautiful. Come ready to work hard and seek Jesus with your entire being. Be prepared to receive good things. Believe in it. Don’t allow yourself to receive something that isn’t good for you. Treasure yourself and love yourself. You’re worth it. 

I’m praying so hard for you. I’m cheering for you. I’m a big big fan of you, and I believe it will be the best year of your life.